Sta.sh
Male
Fluid, box-less
Breathing, loving, fearing
Human, heart, individual, lungs
Breathing, loving, fearing,
Fluid, box-less
Female
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. I wrote you all a Diamante
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love 3
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joy 0
0
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wow 0
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mad 0
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sad 0
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fear 0
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neutral 0
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As poets, we do bear some responsibility for clarity, but the readers must also live up to expectations. You were skillful in your execution and deserve so much love and recognition for this! 
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Deviousness `ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More
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1) Originality is a category. This means that while you did a fantastic job with the form you chose, you still chose a traditional form and it can't be considered entirely original. I feel as though that detracts from looking at the effectiveness of the form towards the content.
2) Impact is kind of a weighted category depending on whether someone personally identifies with your topic (as I do).
Now that that's out of the way, I think I agree with iroNoNiji on a few points. It was immediately clear to me what you were talking about because I identify separately as male or female at any given time and know several people who identify off the binary. However, your chosen form did obscure your message a bit. Without the background I have, I can see it being difficult to interpret.
I suppose I understand the idea behind the form challenge, but at the same time I fundamentally disagree with it on some level. What you're trying to do with poetry is communicate an idea, and EVERYTHING should work towards doing that. The form needs its meter, tone, rhyme, repetition, and range of diction to contribute to your idea. While I have some good things to say in regards to this, your range of diction specifically is limited here to the point that it's hindering you. You only have so much room, and your word choice seems limited enough that you can't exactly establish a tone. You have more to say than you can communicate with this form, in my opinion, which is why I gave you 3.5 for technique.
That being said, the length of your lines, your repetition and symmetry, and your technique within the confines of the form you chose were superb. Overall it was a great read for me, though, like I said, others might not have that experience.
This poem is much worse than it could be. I think that's the gist of the thoughts I had, when I first read this poem. While I think you chose the perfect topic for the media (Diamante) you used, the execution is lacking.
It was your purpose to make a statement, but it is unclear to many. I think this is mainly because the adjectives describe gender as a concept, more than the single genders. The neologism doesn't help much either in this short text.
While I actually quite like the poem, now that I've understood it, I think you could have done a better job bringing your point across.
Also, I have to give you credit, the DFC is quite difficult, because it takes you outside of your comfort zone and the concept was well chosen for the form.
If you find this critique unfair, I'd very much hope to hear from you, telling me why, so that I can improve my critiques.
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